How to seduce a wood elf
by Attenia
Summary: Elladan and Elrohir take pity on Aragorn's doomed attempts to seduce Legolas. The twins do little better with the oblivious prince, and much confusion ensues.


"Estel? Are you well?"

Aragorn realized he was biting his lip, and stopped. "I'm fine," he said shortly.

Legolas laughed lightly. "What have you been brooding over these past few days?"

_I'm trying to figure out how to seduce you._ Aloud, he simply said, "Nothing."

He'd been pondering this for weeks, and still hadn't come upon the perfect plan. Ever since Aragorn had come of age two months ago, he'd begun to realize that his feelings for his best friend were slightly… more than friendly. If Legolas wasn't so oblivious, he would have caught the man ogling at him long before now.

At this point, he was never going to come up with something perfect. He'd just have to pick a strategy and go ahead. Flowers, Aragorn decided. Legolas loved flowers. What's more, he'd read about humans bringing flowers to their sweethearts in tales. It was considered very romantic.

"I need to go do something, ok? Just wait here."

Legolas gave him a puzzled look from over his twin knives, which he was sharpening. "I'm going nowhere."

Aragorn hurried into the garden and started picking bunches and bunches of the most beautiful and sweet-smelling flowers he could find.

Feeling inordinately pleased with himself, he returned to Legolas' chambers, dodging the twins and Elrond, who stared after him in frank astonishment. "Legolas? I have something for you." Beaming, Aragorn held out the flowers.

Legolas gasped and went ashen. "Estel, what have you done!"

"I – I picked these for you," he said uncertainly.

"You murdered them! Oh Estel, how could you?" Legolas looked near tears as he reached for the flowers. "I am so sorry, my friends," he whispered. "That your lives will be cruelly cut short."

Suddenly, Elrond and the twins appeared, and this time, Aragorn was glad to see them. Elrond led a distressed Legolas away with an arm around his shoulders, leaving Aragorn with his brothers.

"This wasn't how that was supposed to go," Aragorn mumbled.

Elladan and Elrohir appeared to be trying hard not to laugh. "Never pick flowers for a wood elf, Estel," Elladan told him in a restrained voice. "Once you pick a flower, it will die in days. Wood elves don't like that."

"Yeah, I'd figured out that much for myself, thanks!"

Elrohir tried to put an arm around his shoulder. "Don't worry, we know our way around wood elves. We'll have you flirting with Legolas in no time."

"I don't need your help," Aragorn snapped. Perhaps it was unreasonable, but he wanted to seduce Legolas himself, not rely on his brothers' suggestions. He stormed out, determined to think of something better.

Later in the evening, he apologized to Legolas for the flowers, an apology the prince graciously accepted. Aragorn slept little that night, and by the morning, he had a new plan. Chocolates. Everyone liked chocolates, right? He got up early to go to a nearby village and buy the fanciest chocolates he could find. The store owner told him they were made with the finest truffle oil and wouldn't fail to seduce his lover.

Aragorn hurried into the dining hall for breakfast. Elrond, the twins and Legolas were already nearly finished. He waited for Legolas to clear his plate before whipping out the chocolates.

The wood elf quirked an eyebrow at him. "For me?"

"For you."

"Thank you, Estel." He smiled warmly, and Aragorn was just starting to think this was going well when Legolas popped one of the chocolates into his mouth. Almost as soon as he'd swallowed, he started coughing violently.

"Legolas!" Aragorn was brushed aside as Elrond hurried to the prince.

"What was in those chocolates, Estel?" he demanded.

"I – chocolate!" Aragorn stared at his friend in panic. Legolas was rapidly turning blue.

"What else!"

"Um – truffle oil, the owner said."

The twins both groaned. Elrond swiftly lifted Legolas and started carrying him in the direction of the healing halls.

"What?" Aragorn turned to his brothers. "What did I do wrong?"

"Legolas is allergic to truffle oil, tithen munidor," Elrohir explained.

Aragorn buried his head in his hands. "Is he going to be ok?"

"He'll be fine, now that Ada knows what's wrong." Elladan rested a hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure you don't want our help, Estel? I promise, you won't regret it."

"No. I can seduce him myself!"

Aragorn got up and hurried to the healing ward, relieved to find Legolas weak but alive and recovering. He hurried over to the prince's side.

Legolas gave him a wan smile. "I'm sorry I got upset about the flowers yesterday, Estel, but there really was no need to poison me for it."

"I'm so sorry, mellon nin. I had no idea you were allergic to truffle oil! I thought you would enjoy the chocolates."

"No harm done, Estel, no harm done."

One thing was for sure, Aragorn was done with bold moves. He'd only succeeded in making Legolas cry and nearly killing him. Perhaps he should just go back to the basics: compliments.

He waited for Legolas to be released from the healing ward back to his own chambers before making his next move. He and Legolas were sitting at the desk, chatting easily. When there was a pause in conversation, Aragorn fixed the prince with an adoring gaze. "You hair is really beautiful like that, you know."

Legolas' eyes lit up. "Finally! They didn't believe me, but I told the twins that you would tire eventually of having hair like a bird's nest. I knew it would be my braids that inspired you, I knew it! Come here, mellon nin, I will fix your hair for you, and show you how to do it."

How could he say no? Legolas looked so excited, Aragorn couldn't bear to disappoint him. He reluctantly bared himself to the prince's ministrations. He wasn't done trying, though. When Legolas held up a mirror to let him see the progress, Aragorn instead looked deep into the prince's blue eyes.

"Your eyes are a truly spectacular color, Legolas. Like the most beautiful parts of the ocean."

To his horror, Legolas' eyes filled with tears. Oh no, oh no, he'd forgotten! Legolas' eyes were exactly the same color as his mother's. Anything that reminded him of her made him think of her horrible death, and never failed to distress him.

"Oh mellon nin, I'm sorry, I didn't think."

"It's fine, Estel, you didn't mean anything by it." Legolas sniffed. "I think I'd like to be alone for a bit, if you don't mind."

Aragorn resisted the urge to hit himself on the forehead, and left with his shoulders slumped. He'd finally reached the end of his rope. He admitted it. He needed help.

Elladan and Elrohir seemed to have been expecting his visit. Their grins faded as they saw his expression.

"What happened, Estel?" Elladan pulled up a chair for him, which Aragorn sank into.

"I made him cry again."

"Oh my poor munidor, you really do not know how to seduce a wood elf, do you?" Elrohir shook his head, patting Aragorn on the back.

"Perhaps it is our fault. We never taught him to flirt properly. We will rectify it now, though. I applaud your efforts, but remember, it is an elf you are seducing, not a human. Now, there are a few things that almost all elves like, the most prominent of them being songs and poetry."

Why hadn't he thought of that? Hope rose anew in Aragorn's chest. "Does Legolas like songs and poetry?"

"He does," Elladan confirmed.

"Are there any songs or poems that he doesn't like? Or that make him sad?"

Elrohir chuckled. "You really are covering your bases this time, aren't you? No, there are no songs or poems he doesn't like that I know of."

Aragorn found himself smiling. "Thanks, Ro, thanks Dan. This is going to work!"

He spent the rest of the day in his room, working over his desk, trying to compose a love poem to Legolas. By the time he was done, he had a small mountain of discarded papers in the corner, but he was pleased with his result.

The next morning, after breakfast, Aragorn took Legolas aside and handed him the poem, carefully written on one of Elrond's fancy pieces of paper. He tried to say something romantic, but the words stuck in this throat. He would simply let Legolas read the poem.

Legolas did, and his face softened. "Thank you for giving me this, Estel."

Yes, this was what he wanted.

"I promise I will not laugh."

Wait, what?

"Do not worry, I know poetry is not your strength. I will help you edit it, and by the time we are through, we'll have a poem that'll dazzle any pretty elleth you set your eye on."

It took great strength of will not to bury his face in his hands. Aragorn could just see his brothers in the dining room doing just that, having heard the conversation.

It took four hours for him to escape Legolas' poetry lesson, by which time he was thoroughly bad-tempered. His brothers cornered him.

"What were you thinking?" Elladan demanded.

"You told me he likes poetry!"

Elrohir rolled his eyes. "He likes_ good_ poetry, Estel. You know you're rubbish at writing poems." He seemed to think better of his harsh words. "Well, no harm done. There is still singing. This time, Elladan and I will select a song for you. You can stand outside Legolas' window and serenade him. That'll seduce him for sure."

At this point, Aragorn was willing to try anything. He spent the afternoon practicing the song in front of the twins, who pronounced his singing 'passable', which was as good as his human voice was going to get when being judged by elves.

That night, he went with a lantern to the pathway under Legolas' window, which was on the second floor. Aragorn swallowed his nerves, and started to sing. For a while, there was no movement, and when there was, it wasn't Legolas. An elleth from the room next to his stuck her head out of the window and gave him a dreamy stare.

Oh Valar, she thought he was singing to her. Before Aragorn could correct this opinion, someone came up behind him. His song spluttered out. "L-Legolas? What are you doing here?"

"I was spending the night in a nearby oak, and heard your singing. Very good, Estel. And I see you have succeeded in catching her attention." He smiled up at the elleth, who never looked away from Aragorn.

"Actually –"

"Go to her, Estel, you've earned it."

Legolas clapped him on the back before wandering off, humming the song's tune absently under his breath.

Aragorn had no time to try to seduce Legolas over the next few days, because he was too busy dodging Eliari, who seemed to have fallen head-over-heels in love with him.

"Just tell her," Elrohir muttered under his breath, wincing at Eliari, who seemed to be making suggestive movements with a sausage at Estel from across the dining hall.

"Or we will," Elladan threatened.

Groaning, Aragorn went to her. "Eliari? May I speak with you privately?"

She batted her eyelashes at him. "Of course, Estel."

They'd barely gotten to an empty corridor when she was pressing herself up against him. "I liked your song. So romantic."

"Eliari –" He couldn't complete the sentence, because he had to dodge being kissed on the lips. Aragorn staggered a step back. "Eliari, I'm so sorry, but there's been some mistake. I wasn't serenading you. I was aiming for one of the rooms next to yours."

Her face fell, quickly turning from hurt to anger. Before he could react, she'd slapped him hard across the face. "Fine! Go be with someone else then, you'll never know what you're missing!"

Rubbing his cheek, Aragorn went back to his room, foregoing dinner.

Two days later, the twins seemed to decide that he'd had enough time to wallow in his humiliation. Elladan woke him much earlier than Aragorn would usually like. "Up with you, tithen munidor! Elrohir and I have a plan, and it will work this time! Today, you're taking Legolas on a romantic breakfast picnic."

By now, Aragorn was more than a little skeptical. "Are you sure? I mean, things haven't exactly gone well thus far…"

"This will do the trick, trust me. Elrohir is down at the stables getting the horses ready. You just need to invite Legolas."

Fortunately, that part of the plan went well. Legolas smiled at the invitation. "A picnic sounds lovely. I've hardly seen you these past few days, where have you been?"

Dodging aggressively flirtatious elleths. "Um… nowhere. So, the horses should be ready now, shall we get going?"

They reached the spot that the twins had chosen, but Legolas kept riding on. "Let's stop by the lake, Estel, it's so pretty there in the mornings."

"Sure." The lake was quite a bit further from Imladris, but they were in no hurry. When they arrived, he spread out the blanket and Legolas helped him unpack the containers of specially prepared food. They fell into easy conversation, and Aragorn could scarcely believe that this was actually going well.

He was just about to try another compliment when Legolas stiffened.

"Legolas? What is it?"

"Orcs," the prince spat. There was no time to get to their horses. The orcs were upon them. Fortunately, neither Aragorn nor Legolas ever left home unarmed, and his sword with the prince's bow made short work of them. Legolas sustained a light cut to the arm, which didn't look serious at first… until he collapsed, unconscious.

Aragorn cursed under his breath. The orc blade must have been poisoned. He snatched it up and pulled Legolas' limp body onto his horse, making haste for Imladris.

"What happened!" Elladan helped pull Legolas off the horse and lift him onto a stretcher.

"What does it look like happened?" Aragorn grouched. "We were attacked by orcs."

"In the clearing by the path? Impossible! Elladan and I scouted the area yesterday, everything was fine there."

"No, Legolas wanted to go to the lake."

The twins exchanged a look of exasperation, but were quickly interrupted by Elrond, who had them help hold Legolas up to feed him the antidote to the poison.

The elf lord sent his two oldest sons away, leaving Aragorn slumped in a chair by Legolas' bedside, watching the sleeping prince.

"Estel?"

"Yes, Ada?" he replied dully.

"Can I offer some advice?"

What did he have to lose? It wasn't like things could go any worse.

"Sure."

"Maybe you should try being a little more obvious. Your attempts at seduction are admirable, but Legolas is a very oblivious elf."

"More obvious? Like what?"

"Have you tried kissing him?" Elrond suggested mildly.

"Kissing – but what if he doesn't want it?"

"If he doesn't want it, I guarantee he will make that known. Legolas has never been shy about making his wishes clear; you have seen that yourself."

That much was true. Legolas was sometimes far too stubborn for his own good. "Thanks, Ada. I suppose I may as well try. It's not like anything else has worked."

Legolas woke up several hours later, but Aragorn gave him the day to rest before renewing his doomed attempts at seduction. With his current track record, the prince may well need his strength to withstand whatever disaster followed.

It was the following afternoon by the time Aragorn worked up his courage. He and Legolas were in the prince's chambers again. Aragorn stood up and walked over to him, stepping in close.

"Estel?"

He was done talking. Moving slowly so as to give him a chance to back away, Aragorn pressed his lips against the prince's. Legolas' eyes widened slightly in surprise, but he didn't pull away, so Aragorn kept going, giving him feather-light kisses on his mouth.

Legolas put a hand behind Aragorn's neck, pulling him closer into a firmer kiss. Unable to help himself, Aragorn let his mouth slip open. Moaning slightly, the prince did the same. Kissing Legolas was like nothing he'd ever experienced before. He soon lost track of time as they kissed, only breaking away when he had to gasp for air.

Legolas was giving him a dreamy smile. "I didn't know you felt that way."

"Of course I do, you silly, hard-to-seduce elf. How could I not?"

The prince gave him a cheeky grin. "You know, the prince of Greenwood is not an easy conquest. I may make you work for it."

"Oh, I know that much." Aragorn was done being subtle, though. Subtle didn't work, not with his wood elf. Instead, he started kissing Legolas again, and moved a hand between them, stroking the growing bulge in the prince's pants.

Legolas groaned into his mouth. "Estel – do that again."

Aragorn smiled as he obliged. It seemed he'd finally found a form of seduction he was good at.


End file.
